I’ve just gotten my second vaccine (the technical term: a full vaxxiccino) and have been reading the CDC’s recommendations for safe summer activities for the fully vaccinated. I’m two weeks ahead of my husband, something I hold over his head because he has better abs than me and is just a better person all around, and if Earth gets evacuated because the sun suddenly decides to explode, he is absolute getting on the good escape shuttle. But I got vaccinated first (thank you brain tumor and asthma! I knew you’d come through for me!), which I’m pretending is some sort of moral achievement.

The CDC has said that vaccinated people can gather indoors with other vaccinated people! We can hang out inside with our friends! Like we used to! Like humans have for centuries, and also like a bunch of raccoons probably do if you leave the door to a

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