October, 1953. New York City. Record Exec: So Eartha, we just heard the preliminary recordings for “Santa Baby.” Eartha: Lucky you. Exec: Uh, yes. Thank you. Eartha: You’re welcome. I assume we’re done here. Exec: Uh, no. There’s more that we need to discuss. Eartha: Well, lets make it snappy. I promised Orson Welles we’d […]
You Do Not Need to Make a Pumpkin Pie From Scratch. Ever.
I need to tell you something. Something very important. Are you sitting down? It’s not strictly necessary. You can stand if you want. Do you need a pen? I guess you don’t need one of those, either. This isn’t a particularly long message. Are you ready? Okay. You don’t need to make a pumpkin pie […]
I Tried 21 Flavors of Mountain Dew For Some Reason.
Explaining why I embarked on a quest to consume as many different flavors of Mountain Dew as possible is not an easy task. Why am I voluntarily drinking a beverage whose ad campaigns seem to vaguely suggest sexual violence? Why am I forcing my kidneys to undergo the aging technique used in that Benjamin Button […]
Why Free Speech Isn’t An Excuse
As my online persona has grown over the last decade and a half, so has the volume of hate I have received. I have received letters at my home, had politicians come for me, and received every threat you can imagine, including one individual who told me that I was “too ugly to rape.” (Please, […]
How Letterkenny Makes Locals of All of Us
I’ve recently finished watched all ten seasons of Letterkenny – the Canadian cult comedy now available in its entirety on Hulu – a feat which is less impressive than it sounds, as each is a mere seven episodes long. Still, this required a measure of commitment from an American West Coaster, to sit through those […]
Murderville is Ridiculous. I Can’t Stop Watching.
Trying to fit Murderville – the new streaming reality series on Netflix – into a neat box is not an easy task. It’s part police comedy, part low-stakes improv, a sort of Who’s Line Is It, Anyway? meets Police Squad (and my apologies to those of you too young to understand either of those references. […]
The Joy of Missing Out
A funny and unexpected thing happened, once I was through being sad about missing the holidays with my family. The admission comes with a hefty dose of guilt. But after the downheartedness started to wane, we sort of … had an lovely time? I know, I know. Look, I sort of feel like a jerk […]
Christmas. The Happy and Sad Parts.
Last Christmas stands out as one of the worst of my life. Perhaps more even than the year when my father had just died, because at least then we were around family. But last year Rand’s grandmother had just died, and we were alone, and there wasn’t an end to that loneliness in sight. Christmas […]
What We Talk About When We Talk About Food.
In the last few days, I wrote a review that escaped out of my hands and started running all over the internet, and it was not unlike that time when I was ten and my hamster got out of its cage and pooped everywhere. What I could not have imagined – what I at my most […]
Bros., Lecce: We Eat at The Worst Michelin Starred Restaurant, Ever
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Last week, Rand and I crossed a milestone. I didn’t realize it; I was sitting at my computer, bones turning to dust, when he shouted from the bottom of the stairs, “HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!” “Holy crap. Twenty years!” I shouted back at him. And I ran down and hugged him, and we kissed, and we did […]
Rival Gallery Owners in Love.
Here is the problem with having a very stylish husband: two years into this pandemic, I look like I’m about to clean the garage while Rand walks around like something out of a damn manual on how to become more dashing with every passing decade. To be fair, the delta between our clothing has always […]
And Then We Went to Italy.
In October of this year, we left for Italy. Our last trip there was scheduled for March of 2020. I think about that a lot – about the alternate reality in which that trip was still possible. I remember the date of our departure approaching, and my concern about this new flu spreading across Europe. […]
We Leave the Country For the First Time in Two Years.
It’s weird to be a travel blogger who doesn’t travel. Actually, I don’t actually know if I can call myself a travel blogger anymore, but what’s the alternative? If I just say “blogger” without that key little word prefacing it all, it feels like I might unravel like a sweater. A blogger? No. That’s not […]
LulaRoe Has Taken Over My Local Thrift Store.
I am an avid thrift shopper; I have been for years. As a kid, we went out of necessity, and I lived in fear that my classmates might figure it out. One girl (popular, perfect, so, so pretty) seemed to have it out for me – she’d interrogate me about my clothes, one time forcefully […]