Dear GOP,

Look, here’s the thing: I’ve got a lot going on right now.

I mean, not technically. Technically, I walk around the house nursing a stash of Halloween candy while occasionally changing from “day pajamas” to “night pajamas” (the sartorial differences are subtle but significant). Today I cried while watching a tiktok video, a medium which I only vaguely grasp. I’m like Miss Havisham if she were dumped on a weekday when she thought she maybe had the flu and decided to just stay in bed.

What I mean is, I have a lot going on, emotionally.

It’s just been a really long hoax pandemic, you know? With a lot of people getting hoax-sick and hoax-dying, including the loved ones of my friends. And this hoax lockdown has led to what my therapist refers to as “very real depression” (but honestly, probably a hoax). And then my husband’s grandmother died

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